More on Deo

There were so many conversations that happened with Deo yesterday that I dont' want to forget.

He asked me so many questions.

About my life, about my opinion on certain things, about how I know when God is calling me to something, about how to manage finances, about maintaining a healthy marriage. The list could go on and on.

When he asked me about how I knew that I was on the right path with what God wants me to be doing and all I could think of was that I just had a peace. I asked him the same question...."How do you know that you are doing waht God want's you to do?"

His response: "I know I am in God's will when I have nothing to gain. I will not get anything out of doing this thing, no glory, no benefit. That is when I feel I am doing right, when I get nothing out of it."

When he said this I literally grabbed my notebook and told him I needed to write that down. It really spoke to me. Sometimes I can get caught up in "Ministry", in "doing good" because it feels good. It feels good to have people tell me that I am so helpful, to say that I have been a blessing. I'll be honest. I like to hear that, who doesn't....but it can be a dangerous thing....it can easily turn to pride and "glory stealing". I can grab hold of glory that is not mine. It is God's.

So when Deo spoke these words, I had to ponder that. Would I still do what I do if no one ever said thank you, if no one ever acknowledged me and the time and effort that I spend?

I think I will be pondering that question for a long time.

Unrelated converstation....

I was asking Deo about the traditional wedding ceremonies here and how they negotiate the dowry and things like that. He had mentioned that he has still yet to pay the dowry that was negotiated. At the time, I did not think much of it, just thinking that, "well he is likely poor and maybe he just can't afford it". But then he was sharing that sometimes his wife will get quiet and he so desperately wants to be her friend and so he sometimes will push and ask her to share with him and to please be his friend, etc. He sometimes feels that she is so distant and that something is bothering her but she will never speak of it.

Then the converstation turned toward finances and how to budget, etc. I had no knowledge of his circumstances, but when he asked if I had any advice, I was telling him that one thing I think I see in Africa is that sometimes when God blesses someone financially, the person is not a good steward of God's blessing. They spend all that they have and then in a few weeks, they are back to being poor with no food for their children. I also explained that we are no different in the US. So many people are living above their means and spending more than they earn. It is a problem everywhere....Not just in Africa. He stared at me with wide eyes....so I felt I should apologize. I didn't mean to offend. He said, "No, you have not offended, you have just read my exact circumstances and I am in awe that you somehow knew exactly what I was going through." I said, "Clearly I had no way of knowing what you are going through, but God orchestrated this whole day and all our discussions have been such a blessing and have made me think."

He asked about how to budget and I explained that he needed to save in those times of blessing to be prepared for the times when things run dry. In your success, plan for difficulty. Then a lightbulb went off for me and I encouraged him to begin with the dowry. Set up a plan to pay off the dowry. I told him that a woman respects a man of his word and if he promised to pay this dowry and it has been many years and you have not made any effrot toward paying it back, his wife might feel that she is really not that important to him. I felt strongly that he needed to make that a priority. He was practically in tears, speechless at at the revelation. He said it makes perfect sense now and he was so grateful that I have spoken so freely with him all day and said some difficult things.

He has said that even his friends have not been so courageous to tell him that he needs to take certain steps toward fixing the relationships in his life. He so clearly WANTS Godly counsel and he is SOOOO teachable. He was asking me to come back and teach a class on budgeting and communicating with your spouse, etc. Both things, I sort of laughed at him and said, "Deo, I am not wise enough to teach those things." But he reminded me saying, "Tina, so many of us have barely made it through primary school, believe me, you have much you can teach us."

HUMBLED. BLESSED. SPEECHLESS.